The Worst Spam Ever!
So, as much as I am sure that everyone loves reading the bad spams, as you may notice, they start to repeat after a while. So, to save the space, I'll spare you the repeats and only post the really fun ones.
On March 3, 2003, I received a spam from "MR. IKE COLLINS" in which he explained that a Turkish contractor in Nigeria died without leaving an heir for his $38.6 million. Apparently, Mr. Collins thinks I could pass as a Turk. Obviously Mr. Collins hasn't seen any of my pictures, as Turkish is one of the nationalities I don't think I could pull off...
On March 5, "Miss.Rose Kyari Zanna." spammed me. She explained that her father was killed in Zimbabwe, but not before depositing $20 million in an account in the Netherlands. She wants to use my account to transfer the money back to her in South Africa. But, she never explained how she planned to get the money (which was illegally sent to the Netherlands to avoid taxes) into my account. But, it doesn't matter, since there really is no actual money.
On March 7, I received another spam from my old friend "MRS M. SESE SEKO". Apparently, she has decided to stop using her assistants (since they all seemingly were fired or worse very quickly) and decided to instead use her son "KENNEDY" to handle all account transfers. (Hey, Mrs. Seko-Seko, why not use Basher to handle your account transfers?) This time, she offered me a percentage of $18 million. So, my grand total is now... $1.003 BILLION promised! Thanks, Mrs. Seko-Seko, I knew I could count on you to get me over $1 BILLION promised!
On March 10, I received a spam from "DR.SUNNY IZUALO" in which he explained that during the General Abacha regime, they "over inflated contract value for the General expansion of the Kanji Dam Termal Station on behalf of National Electric Power Authority (NEPA)" to the tune of $38.6 million. And how did Dr. Izualo get my address? "A friend who was formally restating in your country gave me your contact address. He told me that you are trustworthy though he did not know my intention. This assurance gave me courage to link you up for this particular transaction, and l hope it will be of mutual benefit to all of us." - what the hell is "formally restating"? Let me formally restate that: what the hell is "formally restating"? But for those of you keeping score, Dr. Izualo promised me 30%.
I have set up a contest to compare how much money you have been promised compared to others. Hey, we all get this spam, we might as well do something somewhat useful and fun with it, right?
So, stay tuned to the continuing adventures of The Worst Spam Ever!