The Worst Spam Ever, Part 3

The Worst Spam Ever!

Part 3...

On July 27, 2002, I got this spam:

FROM: [withheld]
TELL:.
FAX:[withheld]
Dakar Senegal

Dear,Mike,

This is to acknowledge the good report i received
about your personality through the contact i made
here in the Dakar Senegal chamber of commerce and
industry.

Before I could go further, I would like to introduce
myself to you.I am Mr [withheld], a cousin to
the incombent president of the Democratic Republic of
Congo(D R C). Formally known as Zair. Due to the war
presently regent in our country, Prsident Laurent
Kabila was using myself through a diplomatic means
to send money out of the country with the fear that
he may be overthrown by coup d Etat at any time.

This we have done on two occasions, on the third I
decided to divert this delivery, which amaouted to
US$24,000,ooo,oo.(TWENTY FOUR MILLION US DOLLARS)I
have been here in Dakar Senegal for sometime thinking
of what to do with this money; hence the rules and
regulations of Dakar Senegal do not allow any asylum
seeker to operate any business/account within the
republic.

Now the curent news in my country is that president
Kabila was actualized on the 16th of January 2001,
when his bodyguad who was hired by the opposition
group assasinated him and now this has been my golden
oppoutunity.

I have successfully deposited this money with one of
the security and finance company here in dakar senegal
and the content of this box were not disclosed
to the security reasons. My aim of contacting you is
to solicit your support and your assistance to see
that this fund is transferred into your overseas bank
account.

Now I have already involved an Attorney in this
transaction to see that every arrengement in this
business is legal, which he will help us to work out
the modality of smooth transfer of this money into
your account. On your response to this letter, we
will then discuss your percentage.

If you have any interest to this business, you are
required to contact me on above telephone and fax
numbers or with the above e-mail address. On my
receipt of your favourable response, I will give you
more clarifications on the modalities needed for the
succssful completion of this transfer.
Best Regards,

[withheld].

NB:Please dont forget to include your fax and phone
numbers when replying.Please make sure you call me
immediately.

I actually received this twice. As you may note, the first spam was addressed to "Mike" - I received a second one addressed to "Dear,DIRECTORS OF UBA ," whoever the hell that is. Anyway, there are so many spelling errors that I don't know where to begin, but I have to say that my favorite is "bodyguad". Anyway, they are going to transfer this percentage into my account, so I could get another $24 million from Senegal, so this brings my grand total up to: $411.1 million promised.

On August 20, 2002, I got this spam:

CLOSE, JO, BORG
SOUTH AFRICA.
[withheld]

(URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL)

(RE: TRANSFER OF ($ 126,000.000.00 USD}
ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SIX MILLION DOLLARS

Dear sir,

We want to transfer to overseas
account($126,000.000.00 USD) One hundred and twenty
six million nited States Dollars) from a Prime Bank in
Africa, I want to ask you to quietly look for a
reliable and honest person who will be capable and fit
to provide either an existing bank account or to set
up a new Bank a/c immediately to receive this money,
even an empty a/c can serve to receive this money, as
long as you will remain honest to me till the end for
this important business trusting in you and believing
in God that you will never let me down either now or
in future.

I am. [name withheld] Auditor General of one of the prime
banks here South Africa, during the course of our
auditing,I discovered a floating fund in an account
opened in the bank in 1990 and since 1993 nobody has
operated on this account again, after going through
some old files in the records I discovered that the
owner of the account died without a [heir] hence the
money is floating and if I do not remit this money
out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing. The
owner of this account is Mr. Gordon G. Scott, a
foreigner, and an industrialist, and he died, since
1993. and no other person knows about this account or
any thing concerning it, the account has no other
beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well
that Gordon G. Scott until his death was the manager
Diamond Safari [pty]. SA.

We will start the first transfer with twenty six
million [$26,000.000] upon successful transaction
without any disappoint from your side, we shall
re-apply for the payment of the remaining rest
amount to your account.

The amount involved is (USD 126 M) One hundred and
twenty six million United States Dollars only. I want
to first transfer $26,000.000 [Twenty six million
United States Dollar] from this money into a safe
foreigners account abroad before the rest, but I
don't know any foreigner, I am only contacting you
as a foreigner because this money can not be approved
to a local person here, without valid international
foreign passport, but can only be approved to any
foreigner with valid international passport or
drivers license and foreign a/c because the money is
in US dollars and the former owner of the a/c Mr.
Gordon G. Scott is a foreigner too,and the money can
only be approved into a foreign a/c.

However, we will sign a binding agreement, to bind
us together. I got your contact address from the
Girl who operates my computer, I am revealing this to
you with believe in God that you will never let me
down in this business,you are the first and the only
person that I am contacting for this business, so
please reply urgently so that I will inform you the
next step to take urgently. Send also your private
telephone and fax number including the full details of
the account to be used for the deposit.

I want us to meet face to face to build confidence
and to sign a binding agreement that will bind us
together before transferring the money to any
account of your choice where the fund will be safe.
Before we fly to your country for withdrawal, sharing
and investments.

I need your full co-operation to make this work
fine, Because the management is ready to approve
this payment to any foreigner who has correct
information of this account, which I will give to you,
upon your positive response and once I am convinced
that you are capable and will meet up with
instruction of a key bank official who is deeply
involved with me in this business. I need your strong
assurance that you will never, never let me down.

With my influence and the position of the bank
official we can transfer this money to any foreigner's
reliable account which you can provide with assurance
that this money will be intact pending our physical
arrival in your country for sharing. The bank official
will destroy all documents of transaction immediately
we receive this money leaving no trace to any place
and to build confidence you can come immediately to
discuss with me face to face after which I will make
this remittance in your presence and three of us
will fly to your country at least two days ahead of
the money going into the account. I will apply for
annual leave to get visa immediately I hear from you
that you are ready to act and receive this fund in
your
account. I will use my position and influence to
obtain all legal approvals for onward transfer of
this money to your account with appropriate clearance
from the relevant ministries and foreign exchange
departments.

At the conclusion of this business, you will be given
35% of the total amount, 60% will be for me, while
5% will be for expenses both parties might have
incurred during the process of transferring.

I look forward to your earliest reply through my
email address or tele/fax numbers.

I thought I was having deja vu. I thought this looked familiar. Had I seen it countless times in the Spam Scam Contest? Probably. But then - I remembered it - it was the same spam I received on March 28th! Only that one was from a different guy who had some different money ($152 million instead of $126 million) from a different source (Magnus Leon instead of Gordon G. Scott) and he promised me more money (35% of $52 million instead of 35% of $26 million). Hmmm. What happened to the originality? Don't just copy the old letters; if you are going to waste my time and bandwidth, at least put a LITTLE originality into it. Give me an original story, like Ms. Usaka Buto who had $160 million in an account in Sudan (see, a new country!) but who tragically lost her life in a freak accident involving golf balls and a hairdryer. See? IT'S NOT THAT DAMNED HARD!

But, since it is from a different e-mail address with different amounts promised, it counts, so ... I now have accumulated promises of: $420.2 million!

Then, I got two in one day on September 3rd, 2002. Here is the first:

DATE:september 4th,
2002

A very good day to you.
We have an immediate business proposal that
involvesUS$ 14.300,000.00
(Fourteen Million Three Hundred Thousand United States Dollars)
which we will like to invest under your custody.
Once I receive a message from you notifying me of
your interest,the details of the
transaction/the terms and condition of sharing
regarding the business would then be brought to your
knowledge.Your urgent response will
be highly appreciated and will swiftly bring
us to the commencement of the transaction. We hope
to conclude this transaction within
10-12 working days.Do not forget to contact
me on the receipt of this e-mail address.And please
you have to maintain absolute
confidentiality
as regards this pending transaction.

I urgently await your response.

Best Regards
[name withheld]

Amazing - a time-traveling spam! Although I received it on Sept 3rd (and it allegedly was sent on 30 Aug), it is dated September 4th! So, another $14.3 million to me if I send him my e-mail address (uh, don't you already have it?). Invest under my custody? And "maintain absolute confidentiality"? Well, this guy doesn't have an excuse, because my records show that this spammer visited this page several times before he sent his spam, so he knew what I would do with it.

Still, the additional promise of $14.3 million brings my grand total to $434.5 million!

And here is the second I received on September 3rd (and I received it TWICE):

OLD PARK ENUGU,
ENUGU STATE,
NIGERIA.

{VERY URGENT BUSINESS TRANSACTION}
GREETINGS!

IN ORDER TO TRANSFER OUT (USD 26 MILLION DOLLARS)
FROM OUR BANK. I HAVE THE COURAGE TO ASK YOU TO LOOK FOR
A RELIABLE AND HONEST PERSON WHO WILL BE CAPABLE FOR
THIS IMPORTANT BUSINESS BELIEVING THAT YOU WILL
NEVER LET ME DOWN EITHER NOW OR IN FUTURE.

I AM MR. [name withheld] THE EASTERN DISTRICT BANK
MANAGER OF UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA PLC.(UBA).THERE
IS AN ACCOUNT OPENED IN THIS BANK IN 1980 AND SINCE
1990 NOBODY HAS OPERATED ON THIS ACCOUNT AGAIN. AFTER
GOING THROUGH SOME OLD FILES IN THE RECORDS I DISCOVERED
THAT IF I DO NOT REMITT THIS MONEY OUT URGENTLY IT
WILL BE FORFEITED FOR NOTHING.

THE OWNER OF THIS ACCOUNT IS MR. SMITH B. ANDREAS, A
FOREIGNER, AND THE MANAGER OF PETRO-TECHNICAL
SUPPORT SERVICES, A CHEMICAL ENGINEER BY PROFESSION
AND HE DIED SINCE 1990. NO OTHER PERSON KNOWS ABOUT
THIS ACCOUNT OR ANY THING CONCERNING IT, THE ACCOUNT
HAS NO OTHER BENEFICIARY AND MY INVESTIGATION PROVED
TO ME AS WELL THAT THIS COMPANY DOES NOT KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT AND THE AMOUNT INVOLVED IS (USD
26 MILLION DOLLARS). I WANT TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY INTO
A SAFE FOREIGNERS ACCOUNT ABROAD BUT I DON'T KNOW ANY
FOREIGNER, I AM ONLY CONTACTING YOU AS A FOREIGNER
BECAUSE THIS MONEY CAN NOT BE APPROVED TO A LOCAL
BANK HERE, BUT CAN ONLY BE APPROVED TO ANY FOREIGN
ACCOUNT BECAUSE THE MONEY IS IN US DOLLARS AND THE FORMER
OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT IS MR. SMITH B. ANDREAS IS A
FOREIGNER TOO. I KNOW THAT THIS MASSAGE WILL COME
TO YOU AS A SURPRISE AS WE DON'T KNOW OUR SELVES
BEFORE, BUT BE SURE THAT IT IS REAL AND A GENUINE BUSINESS.
I ONLY GOT YOUR CONTACT ADDRESS FROM THE COMPUTER,
WITH BELIEVE IN GOD THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ME DOWN IN
THIS BUSINESS YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT I HAVE
CONTACTED IN THIS BUSINESS, SO PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY SO THAT I
WILL INFORM YOU THE NEXT STEP TO TAKE URGENTLY.

I WANT US TO SEE FACE TO FACE OR SIGN A BINDING
AGREEMENT TO BIND US TOGETHER SO THAT YOU CAN
RECIEVE THIS MONEY INTO A FORIEGN ACCOUNT OR ANY ACCOUNT OF
YOUR CHOICE WHERE THE FUND WILL BE REMMITTED.AND I
WILL FLY TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR WITHDRAWAL AND SHARING
AND OTHER INVESTMENTS.

I AM CONTACTING YOU BECAUSE OF THE NEED TO INVOLVE A
FOREIGNER WITH FOREIGN ACCOUNT AND FOREIGN
BENEFICIARY. I NEED YOUR CO-OPERATION TO MAKE THIS
WORK FINE. BECAUSE THE MANAGEMENT IS READY TO
APPROVE THIS PAYMENT TO ANY FOREIGNER WHO HAS CORRECT
INFORMATION OF THIS ACCOUNT, WHICH I WILL GIVE TO
YOU LATER IMMEDIATELY, IF YOU ARE ABLE AND WITH
CAPABILITY TO HANDLE SUCH AMOUNT IN STRICT CONFIDENCE AND
TRUST ACCORDING TO MY INSTRUCTIONS AND ADVICE FOR OUR
MUTUAL BENEFIT BECAUSE THIS OPPORTUNITY WILL NEVER COME
AGAIN IN MY LIFE. I NEED A TRUTHFUL PERSON IN THIS BUSINESS
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO MAKE MISTAKE I NEED YOUR
STRONG ASSURANCE AND TRUST.

WITH MY POSITION NOW IN THE OFFICE I CAN TRANSFER
THIS MONEY TO ANY FOREIGNERS RELIABLE ACCOUNT WHICH YOU
CAN PROVIDE WITH ASSURANCE THAT THIS MONEY WILL BE
INTACT PENDING MY PHYSICAL ARRIVAL IN YOUR COUNTRY FOR
SHARING. I WILL DESTROY ALL DOCUMENTS OF TRANSACTION
IMMEDIATELY WE RECEIVE THIS MONEY LEAVING NO TRACE
TO ANY PLACE. YOU CAN ALSO COME TO DISCUSS WITH ME FACE
TO FACE AFTER WHICH I WILL MAKE THIS REMITTANCE IN
YOUR PRESENCE AND TWO OF US WILL FLY TO YOUR COUNTRY
AT LEAST TWO DAYS AHEAD OF THE MONEY GOING INTO YOUR
ACCOUNT.

I WILL APPLY FOR ANNUAL LEAVE TO GET VISA
IMMEDIATELY I HEAR FROM YOU THAT YOU ARE READY TO ACT AND
RECEIVE THIS FUND IN YOUR ACCOUNT. I WILL USE MY POSITION
AND INFLUENCE TO EFFECT LEGAL APPROVALS AND ONWARD
TRANSFER OF THIS MONEY TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITH
APPROPRIATE CLEARANCE FORMS OF THE MINISTRIES AND
FOREIGN EXCHANGE DEPARTMENTS.

AT THE CONCLUSION OF THIS BUSINESS, YOU WILL BE
GIVEN 20% OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT, 75% WILL BE FOR ME, WHILE
5% WILL BE FOR EXPENSES BOTH PARTIES MIGHT HAVE INCURED
DURING THE PROCESS OF TRANSFERING.

I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR EARLIEST REPLY BY EMAIL.

YOURS TRULY,
[name withheld]

I am starting to have deja vu. Where have I heard this before... Oh, yeah - it is an exact duplicate of an e-mail I received in August 2001! Wait, I also received another SIX copies of it in January of this year! Only the first one came from "ABAKPA ENUGU", the second from "G.R.A, ENUGU", and this one came from "OLD PARK ENUGU". And the one came from a guy named "Ali," the second from a guy named "Okosisi," and this one came from a guy named "Daniel." Hmmm. Same, but different, so it qualifies towards the total! Woo-hoo! Another $5.2 million promised to me, bringing my grand total up to $439.7 million promised!

Plus, this means that this e-mail (which I will refer to as "VERY URGENT BUSINESS TRANSACTION") is now tied with the Mrs. Seko Seko e-mail as the most popular Nigerian spam!

On September 14th I received the following:

PRESIDENT & C.E.O
ATTN: SIR

This business proposal to you is strictly confidential, with due respect. Sorry at this
perceived confusion or stress may have receiving this letter from me, Since we have not known ourselves or met previously. Despite that, I am constrained to
write you this letter because of the urgency of it.By way of self introduction, I am Mrs. glory Kobe, the wife of late Brigadier - Gen.Maxwell Kobe former ECOMOG ARMY COMMANDER [West African peacekeeping force
in Sierra Leone] who died in the Sierra Leone civil disturbance [War]. My three daughters and I are trapped in obnoxious custom and traditional norms.

We have suffered maltreatment and untold hardship in
the hands of my late husband's family, simply because
I did not bear a male child [heir apparent] for my
late husband. By tradition, all that my late husband
had, [wealth] belongs to his brothers/family. And
myself is to be remarried by his immediate younger
brother which I vehemently refused. They have taken
all that I suffered with my husband to acquire
including treasures, houses and his bank particular
seized by them. I wanted to escape to the United State
of America [USA} with my children on exile, but again
they conspired and stole my international passport and
other traveling document to further frustrate me.

Thank God, two weeks ago, I received Key Text Code
from a Security Company abroad, that my late husband deposited U.S $45.5 Million cash with this company. It has therefore, become very necessary and urgent to contact someone, a foreigner like you to help me receive/secure these funds overseas in a reliable bank Account (presumably an empty Bank Account, if available) and to help invest it on our behalf as well, while we find a way of getting out to meet with
you in your country.

These funds are kept on an "OPEN BENEFICIARY MANDATE"
with the Security Company to avoid detection, seizure
or diversion. I have had several telephone discussions
with the Assistant Director of the security company,
who has express willingness to help me on meeting the
company's demands. This is why I have contacted you to help save my children and I, receive these funds on our behalf. But, you would need to give me sufficient assurance that if you help me, you would
not divert the funds. My children and I have resolved
to give you 30% of the total sum. This is all my
children and I have got to live on.

Please, I have reposed my confidence in you and hope
you will not disappoint me. I look forward to your
urgent response, including your private phone / mobile
No and also your fax no for easier communication.

NB: The secret codes (e.g Pin No., Secret Access Code)
for this fund are safely kept with me which I can give
you as soon as you express desire to help me.

Stay blessed.
GLORY KOBE

my attorney direct line,
(withheld)

EMAIL ADDRESS(withheld)ALTANATIVE RESPONSE

I really feel for this woman, because she is "trapped in obnoxious custom and traditional norms" - I am trapped in traditional norms as well, but I have to deal with all this obnoxious spam! And then her story - "By tradition, all that my late husband had, [wealth] belongs to his brothers/family. And myself is to be remarried by his immediate younger brother which I vehemently refused" - where have I heard that before? Oh, yeah - Hamlet! Now all she needs is for her son (but I guess in this case it will have to be her daughter) to go nuts, kill everyone, and ultimately himself! Oh, but don't drink the wine (it kills Queen Gertrude at the end of the play)!

She promised me 30% of $45.5 million, bringing my total up to: $453.4 million!

And still, the e-mails continue...

Continue on to Part 4